‘THE FEAR TO BE’

 This is the first article that i ever wrote, way back in 2012. I came across it while going through my archive and thought it wise to publish it. I dedicate it to all those who desire and live to fill a childhood inadequacy.

Few years ago, when I was still a small boy, nothing meant more than being able to stand out

amongst the other boys, or as some may refer to them, the age group. It meant a lot if you were the best when it came to drawing the newest bus in the estate, dribbling and scoring goals, not forgetting that we were playing with a ball made of papers and sisal strings. You also got a lot of accolades from the same boys if you succeeded in amassing the highest number of girlfriends. These were not the only things that made one stand out, but just a few that seemed more important to us, than the rest.

There were some of us who grew up with loads and tonnes of courage, always standing out and thrusting unto the world what was in them. For such, it was always about seizing the opportunity as first as it arose, and going all the way to make a statement. They didn’t have to worry much as things seemed to always flow as planned. Good luck or the Lord’s favor seemed to always be upon them, thus ensuring that their efforts were always well rewarded.

On the other hand, a good number of us had to be persuaded to leave our security/comfort zone and bring out what was in us. The fear to be was written all over our faces, and little could we tell where we were headed to. Though we had our own small ambitions, we lacked the small packages of faith that would ignite the fire of willing and going on to be what we aspired. Ours, was a world of darkness as we tried to convince ourselves that we were actually worthy. 

Unlike most of our friends, we lacked the courage to dribble, fight or even compete for the few girls around, and as a result we had to always settle for those who were considered by the status quo as not being so good-looking. To the rest of our friends, we appeared weak, not strong enough to fight for what we desired.

Unfortunately, most of us have grown on with the same fear. Worst of all, a good number of those who were considered to be brave enough, have for some negative reasons joined this extended club of  the ‘fear- to -be’. This have only resulted to so many un-achieved dreams, with many of us burying them, into some 9-feet deep grave yards, where they can never be resurrected. A better look at our surroundings will tell you that there is a lot that have resulted to such situations, and it is not really by wish that some of us grew within a cloud of fear while others got exposed to the same disease later on in their lives.

Despite all the genuine causes that we might have, there is no excuse unto any man or woman, as to why they should find something to blame or point a finger at. It is up to us to grow beyond our fears and overcome them. After all there is more joy and happiness in emerging triumphant over our challenges

and short-comings. The fact that our environment may have denied us something of importance, such as motivation, in the process of growth, is not a reason enough for us to cower for the rest of our lives. Instead, we are expected to fight and fill our inadequacy. For me, this is what I call the transformational process which results to the salvation of the human soul.

We should always try as much as we can to get out of our comfortable cocoons and expose ourselves to the many experiences and opportunity that are out there. Humans have been able to discover that exposure to too much sunlight results to sun-burns; to prevent the sun-burns, they use sunscreen lotions. In the same way, why not get exposed to those experiences that make you feel challenged and instead of cowering back and avoiding the beautiful feel of the sunshine/life, device your own sunscreen/survival tactics that will help you emerge as a conqueror.

It is my hope that we have an agreement… leave your cocoon today, revive those buried dreams and let them shine.

MAU MAU; the uncelebrated 'culture'

When most people hear about the Mau Mau, what comes in mind is big masculine men in dreadlocks who 'lived' in the forest and only came out to the open when they were carrying out attacks on their colonizers. Many of us up to now, fail to realize that Mau Mau, which was actually not their name, but used by the 'mzungu' to degrade them, was more of a community effort that demanded the participation of all including kids and women. Like Keith a friend of mine put it, Mau Mau can actually be defined as more of a culture than just a simple organization. It had every aspect of a way of living, from appearance, language, and had even developed songs and legend stories that were meant to educate and bide its members together.

Growing up as a kid i never had much to watch about this culture that pertained in the 50s but i had a lot of books to read about them. My mum being a teacher, always ensured that our library was full of literature material that would keep us busy. She also didn't encourage watching TV so the only option for me to keep myself busy was through reading. Most of the books on the Kenya Land Defense Force that i came across back then, were quite boring, probably due the fact that i was young and couldn't comprehend too much. But this changed when i landed my hands on the Njamba Nene series that were meant for kids, that is Njamba Nene and the Flying Bus, and Njamba Nene and the Pistol, both written by Ngugi wa Thiong'o. 

What Ngugi wa Thiong'o had done by writing those two books was create a child character, a young boy by the name Njamba Nene who would proceed to show how kids and women too had actively participated in the Mau Mau war. In the first book, we see Njamba Nene's mother, Wacu, teaching his young son the songs that the Kenya Land Defense Force had come up with to help pass their message on. The young boy proceeded to teach the songs he had learned from his mother to his fellow school mate, an act that got him expelled from the school on claims that he was trying to recruit his school mates in to the Kenya Land Defense Force.

In the second book, things get more heated up and complicated, as Njamba Nene, now out of school, is given a loaf of bread by a stranger and instructed to take it to the Ngai Ndeithia forest, where he would meet up again with the stranger. Njamba Nene was to later find out that the loaf of bread contained a gun and that the stranger was none other than the Famous General Ruheni, whom the prevaious night had shot dead a colonial chief by the name Kirogoru, and was therefore being looked for by the colonial administrator. The activities proceeded to explode to better scenes, as Njamba Nene was forced by circumstances to use the gun he had found in the bread, so as to save General Ruheni and his entrounge, after they had been arrested by the mischievous colonial masters.

As a young boy, the two books took me through a very interesting process, one that actually made me feel like a hero. Ngugi, had successfully captured my imagination and taken me through the shoes of his character Njamba Nene, a small boy just like me (back then), who in many ways was able to save the day and enable the Kenya Land Defense Force advance their cause. His two books and even other short stories have done a great feat in educating some members of the past generation, mine and even future ones, the big roles that were played by all genders and ages of a community towards gaining their freedom back.

It is this major lesson that i hope that the Michezo Africa, one of the best drama clubs in the country and part of the USIU Africa, under the leadership of Script writer and director Keith Oleng, will successfully bring out, with their on-going shooting of a movie on the Kenya Land Defense Force, or as famously known the Mau Mau. From their work, i hope that present and future generations will get an opportunity and better option to watch and learn about one of the most uncelebrated cultures in our country's history.